i remember when we were just sixteen and dreaming.

www.w4kinglife.tumblr.com

bye for now.

i haven't written in here because college is seriously hectic.

but i was just searching around the internet and i was shocked to see..this.




like WHAT. UNBELIEVABLE.
this is what breeds the shit in our generations.
headstrong parents that give their kids
these terrible values to live by that will
probably follow them until they get to be that
age and then make their kids get "God hates
fags" tattoos on their foreheads.

this got me so angry.
i understand if some people
don't agree with gay marriage,
even though i do. but some don't
but don't even dare try to use kids
as a means to convey some
crazy message promoting a website
called godhatesfags.com

out of curiosity i looked at the website.
apparently god hates obama, and other
religions idols, and they thank god for
aids. and god hates the USA and you.

ridiculous. i have nothing more to say.
im totally disgusted and can't even say
anything else.

since i've typed an entry in my lj.

i'm supposed to be writing my thank-you cards
from my graduation party. and i just can't concentrate.
than kyou cards are so fake and indirect.
like "thaaanks for your money see ya you maybe!"
nah.


lately i've been looking like a d-bag.
probably cause my boyfriend hasn't been around.
but i'm sure if you see me and lizzie walking
down the street sometime soon, you'll think we're
bums. i'm almost positive.

i've been spending a lot of my time wasting
my summer awat by sleeping all day going
out at night. awesome. i don't care cause
i know i won't be able to do that at college.

i can't believe i'm going to college. this time
last year i was all excited about being a
senior in high school. but no more. at all.
never again will i go into high school to
learn something. scaryyyyyyy.

joey comes home tomorrow from his cruise.
im really scared. like i don't know what to
do. i don't know if it's gunna be awkward
or like run-and-jump-happily-into-his-arms
sort of thing. i dont know what to expect.
he really better not be in a bad mood or
ill just flip out cause wow. that would suck.
but it's so funny cause i was looking at
pictures of him on face and all i could do
was smile big and really can't wait for him
to get home- but then i snap back and i'm
like "what the hell! i hate him!" but who
knows really. i sure don't.

i want to make my descision for my first tattoo
very soon. i want it this summer but i don't
think i'll get one cause of my not so supportive
mother. but it's all good. if i think it out it
might just work but whatever.

ummmm.
i think that's enough for now.
y'all know some of my life up to this point.

the end.

"yeahhh sooo.
lately, life has been pretty sweet.
i forgot what it feels like to have someone around you all the time.
like ALWAYS. like stopping at your locker to just to kiss you on the cheek.
and someone you can just tell stories to and not have them be like
"great well. i don't exactly care"
it's really good."

that was about a year ago.
when i actually liked my life.


what a change.

since lizzies new lj,
i found some inspiration to update
all of you on my life. and stuff.

quit my job at ritas. loong time ago.
like in..may. they were sad.
but i sure as hell wasn't.

now im doing time at my aunts
house babysitting for 6 ballin'
ass kids who are SO GOOD. like
they're all so smart and i barely
have to do anything and i love it.

i just REALIZED how awesome they
were today, actally. this is why:
i get a call yesterday from my mom
and i was SO HAPPY to not have work
today and i was so stoked and i didn't
want to do A THING. just sit on my ass.

so i get a call from her and she base
PUT ME IN A SITCH, THAT I COULDN'T SAY
NO TO. i had to babysit. on my day off.
for four kids. that..were..oh..my..god.
im not saying that they were bad.
but my arms hurt from a million piggy
back rides, and my scalp hurt from them
pulling at my SCRUNCHED hair. and trying
to steal shit out of my bag and my bracelets
and making fun of my newfound "big mouth".
what the HELL. and i couldn't just sit there
and watch a movie with them. i had to be kicked.
and sat on. and crawled all over like a human
jungle gym. i was going to kill myself. and the
best part of the whole thing was..that i had to
BE THERE FOR SEVEN HOURS STRAIGHT
yeah okay. thats a REALLY long time to be around
kids. in reality, i HATE kids, unless they're my
cousins. which i love and have a newfound respect
for. they don't scream, hit each other, cry, tell
each other to shut up. i mean oh. my. god. moses.


i'm so glad it over i was really going to kill
myself. and they want me to go back, but really.
i just can't get the mentality to do that.
plus, im doing full-time for my aunt when school
starts. like errands, practices, baby duty (or doody)
the whole shabang. which isn't bad because those
kids are total angels.


i need to go shopping soon.
like i feel like i have no clothes to wear.
i wish that when you got sick of clothes,
you can just refund it and get something
else for the same amount of money, not that
thrift store shit.

school. don't even get me started.
i have way too much to say.

that wasn't enough to write.
but i'm way too tired.

i haven't written in here in a bit.


ummm.....ill update later cause i have monster cramps.
and i have to work to work in a few hourss.
=[[

i've gotten into the habit of doing this thing
where i can just wake myself up at a certain time.
like today i was supposed to wake up at 11.
i woke up at 10:50 went back to sleep for 10 minutes.
and got up at 11. so weird. idk why i can do that.

soo. TO CERTAIN PEOPLE APPARENTLY.
i almost KILLED THEM last night.
meaning last night me and lizzie
went to 13 bumps and we were trying
to "PULL OVAA" but it was so snowy
and this snow can be like driven over.
but this snow on top of this mountain.
i guess not. i got stuck in reverse.
and i started to burn rubber. then i
finally got out in drive and we were like
ummm let's not pull ova. we found westfield
from scotch plains though so that was cool.
then went to dunkin and got served by
bilkie who sucks, and went to the train
station and had coffee and boges and cold.


omg then BEFORE THAT. AT THE MALL.
me and styna decided to go to the
mall after school to get some things.
okay that was fine then i wanted food.
this bitch suggested we go to the sketchy
kfc. you know the only when you're
turned to get to the parkway from the mall
and there a little kfc on the right.
it was COMPLETELY deserted and omg.
it was just the scariest thing ever.
there was a guy SCREAMING fluent african.
and the other guy was trying to hit on
me/us. and then i almost left my purse there
cause my mom was being annoying on the
phone and then i almost walked out without
it like thank god i leave my keys in there
cause i couldnt find my keys and was like oh shit.
whatever. i don't even wanna get STARTED
on the drunk/OD'ed/sleeping man trying
to get onto the parkway. too aggrivating.

soo today.
finally get to get a haircut.
and then gotta get some shit
togetha. THEN. lizzies having
a "hotel party" for her birthday.
i quote the hotel party because
we WILL be in a hotel. but the
party will merely be us acting
like complete idiots. and plus
i haven't seen kristen and/or
wendy in a really long time.

=]

okay so long story short.
maybe intricate details later.
but too tired. and on the run. to go to sleep.

so. got my liscense friday (WHOOHOO)
was my birthday friday. AND DEAN!
and i felt like shit for my birthday
cause i have some like bomb ass cold
and my voice sounds like i swallowed a frog.

okay so birthday night went to arryrang or whatever
with some of my cousins and kristen +family.
got a couple presents. really nice car stuff.
went to sleep at like 10 cause im a lame-o.
and the effing cough was KILLING me.

this morning. woke up.
sat around alll day.
sleeping. drinking ginger ale.
SCRUBS MARATHON.
rejuvenating for later.

SO TONIGHT.
was waiting for court and maybe tara.
to get out of speech so we can do something.
but instead i got erinnn!
and we went to wendys.
and then went to school to pee and see what was up.
till no court or tara.
so we were like oh eff it. and went to westfield.
now. having my liscense it was a bad idea to go to westfield.
cause people who don't have cars go there to walk around.
oh. fucking. boy.
anyway we just wasted some time.

as we were leaving the lovely lizzie
whom we were trying to call so many times.
called us back and we were like ADVENTURE!
so we went to get her<3 yaaay.
then drove around with the TOP DOWN.
mind you, it was 22 degrees, not smart.
ANYWAAYY. we made a surprise stop by. ahem.
then went to sun tavern for a cute cake and a shit.

so all and all it was a good birthday saturday.

other stuff is going on.
but i just can't remember.
cause im so tired.


so BYE! <3

okay so.
this is going to be a very long long entry.
when i feel like typing it after i study for chem. perhaps.
it's pretty long so rest your eyes and come bck later.

i hope i get a ride to trophy scars tomorrow.

ALRIGHT WELL.
my older. like really older cousins are over.
and my mom and all them are drinking.
and im just sitting up here.
waiting for kristen to come so i guess
ill just type something up right quick.

all my friends are gone.
at sacred heart. so
apparently. idk i just feel
like i dont belong on the
team. like even though i
didnt have my piece together.
when it comes to some things.
i feel so left out. ugh.

i saw "her".
in the flesh.
like it was REALLY her.
holding hands with him.
and he even looked back to
see if i was looking back.
and i wasn't.
styna told me that.
i just stared at the floor.
it was so surreal.
i didn't even get upset though.
i kinda just felt like
punching a hole in the wall.
never ever thought i'd see
her let alone meet her.
which he was too immature to do.
obviously.

i really wanna be a peer leader.
hope they pick me.


my camera broke. im really pissed.
why am i so irritable sometimes.

anndd. im not quitting.
i can't.

i love lady sovereign.

back to reality.

i'm pathetic. basically.

andddd i want my piano skillz back.
and i want to learn how to draw.
soo i can make good sketches.
to put in my portfolio.
that i have to make.
for my life.


26days.

i feel so distant and tempermental lately.
yikes.


anyone want to like...
mountain climb? ski? innertube? surf?
i wanna do something fun.
but everyones so MERRRRR.

merrrrrrrrrrrr.
i offically dub new years. the stupidest holiday ever.




merrrrrrrrr school.

too much smoke this year.



=[

xcc-cross country clark.
it's been a successfull two days.
me and court have been running
into everyone picking up random
kids on the street. mostly speech
kids of course cause it happens
everywhere we go.

i do NOT want a repeat of
last years new years. duh.
but i really don't know
what i wanna do. cause no
one usually has anything
around here, at least
people in my grade don't.

new computer=nice.
but i miss my music and pictures.

this year better get better.
or just end really soon.
i'm happy. but. sad.

i got a new computer for xmas.
wasn't expecting it at all.

i love seeing my family. it's nice.
the food isn't too bad either.

i saw rocky today with my parents to be nice.
i really really REALLY didn't wanna go see it.
like as a rocky movie it was more sentimental.
but as a movie. it was bad. but it's rocky.
so doesn't wanna see a 60 year old sylvester
stallone shirtless with his wrinky muscly neck
and veins popping out. i didn't want to miss that.
but beh.

i guess my xmas break is consisting with
doing nothing because i have no friends.
but i did cross country clark with court
tonight and im really glad cause we haven't
done it in a long time and we caught up
on shit and ran into a lot of people.

but now i guess i'll sleep cause my toes are cold.
and im going to the city with kristen, cristina
and maura tomorrow so that'll be nice i s'pose.


hey, if anyone else is a loser like me
and doesnt have plans this week.
you know. just lemme know.
cause i know i won't have any.

lizzie i have to visit you<3

so christmas break.
score.

it doesn't feel like christmas.
whatever. im just about over it.

last night was fun.
except the fact that i was sleeping
on top of mary (yeah, i know). then
i ended up rolling off the couch
into court's spot and then got poked. (=])
ended up sleeping in the coldest corner
of the room with a very thin blanket.
i slept in my jeans and my northface.

then after looking a wreck i went
home and showered and fell asleep
from 1pm to 4pm. wow, im a waste.


but anyway.
christmas break.
not making a deal.
hang out. and whatever else.


hokay.

okay. so i haven't updated in a while so here i go.

i absolutely can't believe that the holidays are almost over.
the last time i checked it was thanksgiving.
im kinda happy time is passing fast.
so i can get my life together.
and i can stop fucking doing a shitload of schoolwork.


anyway. this was an alcohol filled weekend.
but i didn't really like saturday.
cause i had to hear depressing stories beforehand.
and then i didnt want to drink cause i had a headache.
and ended up sleeping at kristens till twelve pm.
and then going home and sleeping till 5.

im watching gilmore girls season three.
and jess is so fucking hot.
like everytime he's in a part i want to die.
like not that he's hot but he's like dare i say - rugged.
like the i-don't-give-a-shit-about-anything-but-im-deeply-devoted-to-love type.
and he's like so cute and so awkward.
and i'm in desperate need for a guy.
i mean like not like a boooyyffriiieenndd oo0o0ohh.
but i mean someone who likes you and you like them.
and you can just sit and talk. and makeout.
and you know it doesnt even matter.
i just can't watch him talk or mention that girl.
or being so "in love" with her. or having to see what the fuck
he's buying her for christmas or when she's coming home
from college or who's going to drive who around.


annnyyywaaayyy.
i hate christmas shopping.

and i need people to come home.

and i need to find shit for speech.

and if anyone has the book broken glass by arthur miller.
please lend it to me cause im really interested.
i have about 22 more arthur miller books to read.

so now it's ten to eleven.
and im kinda tired.
actually i'm not.
but i have to sleep.

i'm getting fat.
i think i gained like 15 pounds.
wow. that's really gross.

i have 47 days till i get my liscense.
that's it.

and i need a job.

and i wrote a lot